Monday, September 29, 2008

इ किल्लेद Capitalism

Okay, I admit it. I killed Capitalism. It was me--calling and emailing my Representatives and Senators, demanding that they stop the bailout.

I couldn't be happier about this. At this writing, the stock market (the DJIA anyway) has apparently stopped trading after sliding 770 points. It's almost at the magic 10,000 mark! Will the bosses get off our backs yet?

Oh yeah, I know, we haven't build up a shadow socialist economy yet, so there'll be that little affair of mass starvation, riots, looting, you know. The rough stuff. But at least I killed capitalism. Ding dong, the rich is dead! Which rich is that? The wicked rich!

There will be SOME who say that capitalism isn't dead. Well, fine. So I exaggerated. There are others, however, who are already pointing to the Left and saying that Neocon prosperity could have gone on forever if nasty Reds like me hadn't poisoned the well and prevented the bailout. I like to think that they're right. That I killed capitalism. Ahhhhhhh. 770 pointsssss.......

Thursday, September 4, 2008



Well the latest news is in and it turns out our vigilant anti-anarchist spy heroes have saved the day again. Here's an excerpt of their gleanings, from a report in Raw Story:

"Over the course of a year before the convention, the self-described anarchists appealed to like-minded groups in more than 67 cities and met several times to hash out plans, according to the charges. A separate affidavit from undercover agents who infiltrated the group said members had discussed stretching chains across a nearby highway, kidnapping delegates, and disrupting the convention with burning tires, urine and feces, and explosives including Molotov cocktails. Other plans included posing as workers or volunteers to sneak into the convention hall and block its outside air intake vent. They discussed using street puppets to hide weapons, and throwing marbles to trip up police horses and pedestrians, the affidavit said."

Isn't it monstrous what those groups discussed? Of course, no dump-trucks full of marbles nor exploding puppets have been found. One guy did have some Molotov cocktails, I've heard. But they did say the words. And they probably laughed in a sinister anarchistic way. You and I have had those discussions, haven't we? How it would be great if the cops were distracted by loud noises elsewhere, or wouldn't it be great if we all smeared cougar urine on our shoes to scare off the cop horses, or how about diverting them with cartons of donuts. And now you're guilty, too.

[n.b. This is the radio script. --ed.]
That's right, the words "exploding puppets" and "marbles" were just on your radio, just now, on a station you chose to tune in to. Don't try to deny it. You've discussed these things now, we have proof. So stay right where you are. Don't move. Freeze.

You're under arrest.

Oh, sure, you can complain to the judge, if you ever get one. "That provocateur Theresa Mitchell is the one that brought it up," you'll probably say. They all do. You terrorists are all alike, and the first sign of your guilt is all that pious claptrap about the First Amendment, and Due Process, and all those namby-pamby liberal ideas you got from not doing enough pushups. Well, it's all over now, baby blue. You're under arrest. Get your face on the pavement.

Actually, "get your face on the pavement" is what the Salvadoran death squad cops used to shout when they were doing their thing, back in the good old Reagan years. It's one of those things that got my attention back then, a sort of thing I was really glad didn't happen in my neck of the woods. It's a standard practice for dictatorship police squads, and of course US police now do it, too. It's not necessary by the wildest stretch of the imagination when arresting an unarmed protester, but it sure is fun. "You can beat the rap but you can't beat the ride," the good old boys say, and ain't it true?

So get your face on the pavement. Now! NOW!

God, that's a blast, isn't it? Every little boy and girl can grow up to be a cop or prison guard in our wonderful free society. See them throwing each other onto the concrete outside the kindergarten class, shouting, "get your face on the pavement!" It's so cute!

What was that George Orwell line about the future..."If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever." Isn't it funny how facts overtake fiction; the future is now, Oceania is here. By now you've heard the audio of Democracy Now!'s reporter Salazar getting arrested:

NICOLE SALAZAR: Watch out! Watch out! Press!

POLICE OFFICER: Get out of here! Move!

NICOLE SALAZAR: Where are we supposed to go? Where are we supposed to go?

POLICE OFFICER: Get out of here!

NICOLE SALAZAR: Dude, I can’t see! Ow! Press! Press! Press!

POLICE OFFICER: Get down! Get down on your face! On your face!

NICOLE SALAZAR: I’m on my face! [I want a t-shirt with that on it. Doesn't that sum it all up? "I'm on my face already Mister Cop Dude!" "Well, that ain't enough anymore! You should have been on your face when you got here!"]

POLICE OFFICER: Get down on your face!

NICOLE SALAZAR: Ow! Press! Press! [Apparently the cop took that word as a verb.]

'Cause that's what faces are for now--you thought they were for expressions, and eating, and kissing, and silly stuff like that, but now you know what your face is really good for--it's for grinding little bloody smear marks into asphalt as you're stomped and chained by Democracy's guardians. These are the days of progress and versatility, so maybe you could practice throwing your face on the pavement a few times this morning, just to get ready for your next peaceful assembly to petition your government for redress of grievances. Just because you're peaceful doesn't mean the government has to be, right? Oh, don't give me that Constitution stuff. Get on your face!

Did I say peaceful protesters? Come to think of it, there wasn't a single shotgun or rifle found among them. No grenades, not even a pistol. Hundreds of arrests and no guns--the NRA is downright aggrieved, I'm sure. Funny but the shotgun-free protesters don't seem to be presented as peaceful in the press. You'd think in the context of our lovely surgical weapons, you know, cluster bombs, napalm, white phosphorus, things we use to surgically correct wayward populations, that the absence of anything that could, say, level a block, would be proof of peaceful intent. "Lighten up, officer, this antitank weapon isn't loaded!"

But seriously, the cops that arrested Kouddous and Salazar were confronted by Democracy Now producer Amy Goodman, who was arrested immediately and brutally, and stripped of her credentials, since she evidently forgot to bring a rifle squadron with her. Maybe Ms. Goodman thought she was in some place that respected the press more, say Indonesia or something, where they don't automatically assault small middle-aged women carrying full press credentials. Anyway I'd like to suggest you pull up Democracy Now dot org on your Internet tube and follow the prompts to send an email to the proud and stainless judiciary there in Minnesota, because the charges haven't been dropped last I heard, and they are serious charges, felonies and misdemeanors, Failure to Lick Republican Guccis, heavy stuff. Come on now, an email is easy and you're probably sending one to someone else right now, so get on it. One million emails please.

This has been an exciting couple of weeks for news--first the Good Cop Convention with Obama and then the Bad Cop convention with McCain and his new partner Hanna Montana. Check out the youtube video to see McCain exercising the testosterone in his optic nerves, raking the would-be Veep with his lust laser. And this just in--the US has bombed a nuclear armed country!

Here's a literal blast from the past, you'll remember this--it's from CNN, dated ten years ago, May 30, 1998:

"ISLAMABAD, Pakistan (CNN) -- Pakistan conducted one more nuclear test Saturday, completing a series of tests, Pakistan's Foreign Secretary said. But the Pakistani government did not say whether it plans another series of tests.

The explosion in Pakistan's remote southwest came two days after the government said it detonated five other devices in the same area.

Pakistani defense experts told CNN the government had now gathered all the data it needed from the six nuclear tests.

"The devices tested corresponded to a weapons configuration compatible with our delivery system," the Pakistan government said Saturday.

"The fact of our existence as the neighbor of an expansionist and a hegemonistic power taught us the inevitable lesson that we must search for security. Contemporary history held only one lesson for us. The answer lay in credible deterrence," the spokesman said."

Fast forward to right now: (Christian Science Monitor)

"United States forces conducted their first ground assaults into Pakistani territory from bases in Afghanistan early Wednesday morning in a raid on a suspected Taliban stronghold in South Waziristan, one of Pakistan's lawless tribal areas. The attack has caused an uproar in Pakistan and raised concerns of a new period of tension between the US and its valuable, nuclear-armed ally in the war on terror, which has entered a period of political uncertainty after the resignation of long-serving president Pervez Musharraf last month.

The US has not officially commented on the raid, and leaders of the US-led NATO peacekeeping force in Afghanistan deny any knowledge of the attack, reports Reuters. But one US official, speaking to CNN on the condition of anonymity, confirmed that the attack had occurred.

The Pentagon has refused to comment officially on the attack, but several defense officials acknowledged that U.S. military activity had taken place inside Pakistan.

The senior U.S. official said a small number of U.S. helicopters landed troops in the village near Angoor Adda in South Waziristan, where Taliban and al Qaeda fighters have hunkered down over the years.

Local media reports said the troops came out of a chopper and fired on civilians. The U.S. official said there may have been a small number of women and children in the immediate vicinity, but when the mission began "everybody came out firing" from the compound. [Everyone knows that babies can be used to hide grenades. 'Shoot that baby again soldier! You can't move on until the scene is secured!']